Hands
by facelesswriting
Summary: It's after the war and Severus is confined to the hospital to recover from his injuries, but why is Harry there? And will either of them ever actually recover? (Warning: slash) slow-build
1. Chapter 1

**1: (august)**

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Harry sat in the hospital wing for weeks. His friends came and went, but no one seemed to have the time to sit with the Savior; there was simply too much going on.

The restoration of Hogwarts had begun immediately. Walls were standing again, and the grass was starting to regrow already. Everything was returning to normal.

But nothing was normal.

That was why Harry sat in the hospital wing weeks after his injuries had healed, weeks after Kingsley had come to offer him a place in the Auror Academy, weeks after Ron, and Hermione, and the Weasley clan, and the rest of the world began to move on. He was clinging to the last chance at the past.

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 **A/N: This disclaimer will last for the whole work: I do not own Harry Potter, and I am making no money from this. As always, thanks to my wonderful Beta jackfrostlovercadi93 !**

 **So for those of you familiar with my other works, this one will be a bit different. These will be much shorter chapters, not all of them will be this short, but they stay shorter than about 500 words each. They skip time so the month at the top is when it takes place. There will be weekly updates, at least until I run out of chapters, but I have about 20 already written. Naturally, my note has ended up longer than the actual chapter, but I promise I'll try to keep it short in the future! Happy New Years! Let me know what you think and enjoy!**

 **-faceless**


	2. Chapter 2

**2: (same day)**

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It was bare minutes after Hermione left that Madame Pomfrey came bustling in.

"Hello, dear." was all she murmured as Harry silently rose and moved from her way.

Her wand flew through the air in complex patterns before she settled and began to administer potions. A feather-light breath by her ear stopped her and she turned to find Harry standing right behind her.

"Dear?"

"You always-" Harry had to stop and swallow. "You always tell me how he is after you run the diagnostic spells. You didn't this time."

Her heart wilted at the unasked question. Harry's voice was rough with the effort it took him to get those few words out. Asking would have killed him. She patted his cheek lightly as tears sparked in his eyes, "Severus will be fine, dear."

"He-" Madam Pomfrey couldn't hear the rest of his words. Harry's mouth continued to move as he sank back onto a nearby bed, but no sound emerged.


	3. Chapter 3

**3: (same day)**

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War had done terrible things to Madam Pomfrey. Harry watched as her once-plump form bustled away. He had no idea what she would do when school started up in a scarce week. She looked like the walking dead.

As always, thoughts of the dead dragged his eyes to the corpse-like figure in the cot next to him. Of course, Poppy would never let a patient waste away, but Snape had always been thin and ghost-like. The off-white sheets made him seem porcelain. Breakable.

Harry had barely left his side, always fearing that the moment he left would be the moment the Potions Master woke to the world that would never understand the whole story. Sure, he'd gone to the funerals and some of the trials - even testified at some - but he always returned as quickly as he could. For all that time, he'd never once touched the man.

After all, he was only ever any good for destroying things.

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 **A/N: RIP Alan Rickman. You'll be forever in our hearts.**


	4. Chapter 4

**4: (september)**

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Harry's face didn't change when Severus woke for the first time. Dark eyes opened, clear and alert, but they didn't land on Harry's face, they just stared. Harry rose and called for Madam Pomfrey.

Poppy came, and cast scans, and administered potions, and asked questions, and left, sighing and carrying empty vials and no answers. When she had gone, Harry pulled his chair back up to Severus' bedside. The man did not turn his eyes away from where they were fixed on the ceiling as Harry told him what had happened since the end of the war. He skipped over personal matters like Ginny's leaving him and trivial things like what most of the students were up to now that school had started and went straight to what he thought Severus would want to know. He told him that he was exonerated for all the crimes he committed as a Death Eater, what became of the Malfoys, the state of the school, and which Death Eaters were still on the run, and most importantly he explained Severus' condition.

As he spoke, he moved his hands from where they rested on the arms of the chair to prop his elbows there instead. He ignored it as they dented the rotted wood, a pang going through him. He talked for hours, getting no reply from Severus, and it was only when Severus closed his eyes - effectively dismissing him - that Harry stopped and sat back in his chair, though he did not leave.

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 **A/N:** **Thank you for all the follows, reviews, and favorites. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!**

 **-faceless**


	5. Chapter 5

**5: (september)**

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Even lying in a hospital bed, Severus retained some skills from the war, and he kept his eyes closed and his breathing even as he woke to the quiet sound of Harry Potter and the Granger girl speaking. From their tones, they were arguing, and he could almost see Potter's hands waving rapidly as he tried to make his point.

"I'm not just leaving him, Hermione!"

"He clearly doesn't want you here! Besides, Harry, you need to move on with your life. What are you going to do? Or do you plan to just sit here until you waste away like that chair?"

Severus didn't understand the chair reference, but he had to concede the Granger girl had a point: Harry had been sitting by his bedside for the four weeks since he'd woken, and as far as Severus could tell, he never left.

"And what about Ginny?"

"Ginny doesn't want to be with me," Potter replied stiffly.

"She still loves you."

"No. She doesn't. If she did, she'd accept that this is where I'm supposed to be," It was unspoken but plain all the same that Potter thought if the Granger girl couldn't accept it as well, the same applied to her. Then the boy's voice turned pleading, "Hermione, I just-"

But he was cut off by Hermione's shriek. "Harry, don't touch me!"

Most people kept to hushed voices in the Infirmary for him so he couldn't help the automatic twitch at the screaming by his bedside, thinking that the reaction was quite unwarranted even in the midst of an argument.

"You've woken him." Harry stated, sounding annoyed.

"Harry!"

"I'm sorry. I'll get Madam Pomfrey for you."

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 **A/N: Sorry it's late! Let me know what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**6: (september)**

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Severus opened his eyes. They knew he was awake, and at this point it just felt petulant to pretend otherwise.

Poppy's shining blue eyes were looking down on him with annoyance. "Severus," she said, "today is the day you will walk."


	7. Chapter 7

**7: (october)**

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Poppy was wrong. That wasn't the day that he would walk, but he had been able to sit on the edge of his bed by himself, and he could even stand with her help. The whole time, he hadn't said anything to her, though she'd kept up a solid string of encouragements the whole time. He found them annoying, and he could tell Potter did as well, but he didn't say anything either.

It wasn't until weeks later that he was able to walk on his own, and even then only a few steps. The nerve damage in his feet robbed him of his former grace and he struggled to tell where the floor was, often slamming his feet much too hard into the ground or lifting his second foot before the first had touched down.

He sat regularly now and it didn't cause him nearly the pain it had, but Poppy had regrown some of his internal organs and they were still tender.

Potter talked to him about the progress of the outside world, though Severus wasn't sure how he knew what was going on because he never seemed to leave and he never saw him with a newspaper. Poppy babbled on about his improving health. Severus did not speak.

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 **A/N: I'm not going to apologise for last week's chapter, but due to a review, I'd like to let you all know that I do respect you and am very thankful that you take time to read my work. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **-faceless**


	8. Chapter 8

**8: (november)**

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With winter came change. Suddenly Severus would wake up with the chair beside his bed empty. Potter's friends had not come back since his fight with the Granger girl, but now Headmistress McGonagall would come and ask Potter away. Mid-sentence, Potter would go.

In his absences, Severus had time to study the chair Miss Granger had talked about. He saw the state of disrepair it was in, with the arms mangled with rot. He had started noticing the glasses and pitchers by his bedside would be worn thin on the handles, the blankets on one side of the bed wore thin, and the handles on the drawers of his bedside table tarnished. He'd never seen anything like it in Hogwarts before, but it all happened so slowly that one only noticed it when the elves replaced it with an unused version.

But the chair always stayed.

He no longer needed help with everything he did, but as his muscles had improved, he realised the extent of his nerve damage. His hands and feet would never be the same. Poppy told him he was lucky for what he had; Potter said nothing.

He struggled with baser tasks, like going to the loo and feeding himself because his hands would shake so terribly.

One day when Potter returned from his mysterious disappearance, he carried a small copper box with him. Wordlessly - they both grew accustomed to communicating with body language when it became apparent that Severus would not speak to anyone - Potter handed the box to him.

Severus studied it. It was disfigured on one side, near to the point of disintegrating through on the corner but perfectly shining new on the other. Potter cleared his throat, disrupting Severus' evaluation and gaining his attention, and said, "Open it."

Inside, on a bed of red velvet, lay his wand. He glanced to Potter in surprise, relieved to see that whatever had eaten away at the exterior of the box had not even gone through to the velvet. The boy explained, "McGonagall gave it to me. Use it to make things to tinker with."

Severus raised an eyebrow in disdain, and Potter corrected himself, "Use it to make small things with moving parts: gears, puzzles, what have you. Work with your hands and become accustomed to your new limitations. Learn to push them."

Severus nodded once and gave his wand a flick. An all white puzzle appeared in front of him, the pieces miniscule and many. He tried to lift a handful to sort out the edges - it was always the way he started puzzles - but couldn't hold them in his open palm or grip the pieces. He heard a sigh and suddenly the pieces were much larger, almost childlike in their size, and made of much thicker material. Potter stood and left.


	9. Chapter 9

**9: (january)**

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Improvements came slowly and achievements were small and few. Instead of the leaps and bounds Severus obviously thought he should be making came temper tantrums.

At first Poppy had simply been glad that his anger had become motivation enough to talk, but soon that was no longer the case. Some days were nearly normal, with rising frustration and snapped remarks. On others a simple dropped puzzle piece would be enough for him to flip the entire lap table off the bed and fall into fits of screaming and cursing.

Arguments broke out between he and Madam Pomfrey about what he should be able to do, what he should be working on, and what better things he could do outside of the hospital ward, but it was no use and Severus always ended up dropping the matter. Arguing would not change what he could accomplish, and it would not change that he had nowhere else to go.

Harry Potter, it seemed, had nowhere else to go either and he continued to spend his days in the chair beside Severus' bed. They didn't speak often, but Potter seemed content to do little else besides watch Severus 'tinker'.

Severus began to suspect that they had a charm on his bed to alert them when he woke because it didn't matter the time of day or night, but the moment he opened his eyes Potter would wake or come from Madam Pomfrey's office to sit in the chair once more.


	10. Chapter 10

**10: (march)**

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Spring broke outside the windows of the Infirmary and for once Severus woke alone and stayed that way. His curiosity had been minimized since he'd woken from his coma, but seeing as he was alone with little else to do but his walking exercises up and down the Hospital floor and play with another godforsaken puzzle, he decided he'd sate what little curiosity he did have.

For a while now, he'd been wondering about the rotting that only seemed to happen around him. He lifted a glass, examined it, dropped and broke it in a fit of cursing, proceeded to mend and replace it, and moved on to do the same with the pitcher. He was right that the glass had worn thin on the edges, and he could sense magic as it's source, but there was no trace of a spell that had been cast on it. When he finished, he moved from the bed to sit on the floor and examine the drawer handle, but gained nothing new with that either. He didn't bother with the blankets on his bed as they'd been changed yesterday, but instead moved his attention to Potter's chair.

The handles, completely rotted through in the centres, were the only part of the chair that seemed touched but the magic reeked from the whole thing. The curtains that could be pulled around his bed for privacy also were worn thin around the edges, but past them the trace of magic seemed to dissipate.

The magic didn't feel like his, but as the circle of magic centred on him, he didn't see another possibility. Somehow his magic was destroying the things around him. Suddenly tired, Severus turned and sank down into the chair.

"What are you doing?" Potter asked, and Severus turned to see that he had just walked up.

"Sitting, Potter," Severus sneered.

"In my seat."

Severus sighed, too tired to fight the boy, and too tired to let asking for help bother him, "Give me a hand back up."

The boy flinched as if he'd expected a harsh reply and was reacting to that rather than what he'd actually heard, and he shook his head and stepped back. Severus sighed again, and went to use the nonexistent armrests to heave himself up, and promptly pushed his hands and arms down through the splintery edges. As he cursed, Potter calmly left to find Pomfrey to help him.


	11. Chapter 11

**11: (april)**

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"You're too focused on what your hands are doing rather than what you want to happen. That's why you can't do it." Potter told him. The boy hadn't spoken to him since he'd found Severus in his chair. He'd think it was a grudge but for the fact that Potter didn't have to return everyday to watch his progress, which he did.

"And pray tell how should I do it differently?" Severus sniped. He was working on balancing his wand upright in the palm of his hand, as he had been for days now.

The boy hesitated, then seemed to fold in on himself. He magicked a steel rod that was roughly the size and shape of a wand, and Severus spared a moment to wonder where Potter's wand had gone as he didn't recall the boy ever having it, though he could just be showing off his wandless magic, but then his musings were wiped away as the boy started talking again.

"Watch," he said as he placed the small circle of the cylinder in his palm, moving his hand in small corrections as the steel began to lean from side to side. "I'm not focused on my hand at all. I'm watching the top of the pole. If I focus on keeping that side of the cylinder in the air, it doesn't matter what my hand is doing or feeling because my body knows automatically how to correct it. Try it," he commanded.

Seeing no reason not to, Severus complied as Potter set down the metal pole. To his surprise, it actually worked, and in his focus he didn't notice as Potter vanished the steel cylinder that had become rusted on one side.


	12. Chapter 12

**12: (may)**

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On the morning of the first anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, Severus woke alone again. There was to be a celebration in the Great Hall for all of the warriors and their families. Those like him who had been awarded an Order of Merlin were to be recognized. He was not going.

When Harry Potter came in wearing new dress robes, Severus assumed he was going and sneered.

"I have to," Potter said sheepishly, ducking his head and lifting his hand to run his fingers through his hair. The old habit was aborted, and Potter straightened his shoulders, still looking miserable, "I have to give a speech."

Severus returned to his exercise of walking and lifting his knees high into the air, not deigning to give a response.

"Come with me," Potter said, and Severus looked up at him in surprise. The boy had never asked him to leave the ward, nor had Severus ever shown any interest in doing so. "Come on. I have something to show you."

Severus nodded and allowed Potter to turn the tarnished door handle and lead him down the hall. When they reached a supply closet, Potter motioned for him to go inside.

Severus could feel his indifference fall from his face as he looked at the potions lab that had been created for him. The boy was obviously excited and nervous if his babbling was to be any indication. "I know it will be difficult, but look, we set it up just like your private potions chamber used to be. Of course it's smaller but-" The boy went on gesticulating wildly, the threadbare hems of his robes flying as he talked about all the different instruments they'd included and their locations. But Severus was no longer listening; he ran his shaking hands reverently over the glass vials.

For the first time since he'd woken nearly a year ago, he knew that he would have a purpose again.

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 **A/N: A lot of you joined in and commented last week, and I just wanted to say thank you and welcome aboard! I hope you all like this week's installment as well! Let me know what you think!**

 **-faceless**


	13. Chapter 13

**13: (may)**

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He spent as much time in his new lab as he could, but he tired quickly. Potter had been right: it was difficult. Even the easiest of potions took the utmost care. Dicing turned into a five-minute process; thinly slicing a delicate ingredient could take an entire day to do sufficiently.

Soon, he'd grown annoyed with the Potter boy. It was the puzzles all over again. He would get frustrated, he'd throw a small fit, swallow his pride, and ask for help, but the boy would never help him, insisting he do it on his own. When he couldn't, then would come the bigger fit.

His biggest fit yet had come when Potter had refused to help him too many times, and ended with him being banished from Severus' workspace. Severus had finally shouted for a reason to the boy's maddening unhelpfulness. The boy had simply shrugged and said, "I can't."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Along with the first three chapters (with minor adjustments), this is the only other original chapter for this fic. Obviously it has grown a lot since then! I like how it's turned out so far, but let me know what you think! Enjoy! And a big thank you to all of you who are following, favouriting, and reviewing!**

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14: (may)

Scarred hands held the vial up to the light. It was nearly the mint green it was supposed to be. It simply needed to settle a little more before it was ready.

The man for whom the potion was being created was long gone, but Severus had heard there was a child now. And no child deserved such an affliction.

The door silently opened and closed behind him, but Severus' hearing had been damaged in his left ear and had been taken in his right. He heard nothing as he moved to hold the flask up to the light once more.

Halfway there, it dropped and shattered.

Severus let loose a volley of language fit for a sailor as he stumbled backwards into the small room's new occupant.

"Mr. Potter, I have told you a thousand times not to bother me whilst I'm working!"

Potter stumbled back against the wall. He recognized this look on his old Professor's face. It was one so contorted by pain that it looked full of rage, just as it used to look in his earlier puzzle-fueled temper tantrums. "Sir, I-"

"GET OUT!" Snape roared, one crooked hand flying towards the door.

Potter bowed his head quickly and retreated, closing the door behind him. He knew he'd done nothing wrong. Sure, the old Potions Master hadn't heard him, but the vial was falling before Snape had even noticed him. He waited, counting to twenty in the hall outside the broom cupboard. He was thankful to Headmistress McGonagall for converting it into Snape's potions chamber though she said it was the least she could do since he could no longer teach.

When the twenty seconds were up, Potter peeked his head in the door and his lips tightened to a line when he saw what awaited him inside.

Severus had sat back on his stool and dropped his elbows on the table. His face was buried in his arms and his hands were perched above him in all their mangled glory.

Madam Pomfrey, with all her expertise, could not regrow nerves.

Potter stepped into the room and magicked away all the glass. Severus turned to him then with murderous, red-rimmed eyes.

"Hey, at least your face doesn't get all blotchy like mine does."

Severus opened his mouth to give and scathing retort, but he was betrayed. As he narrowed his eyes, a single tear escaped and strolled leisurely down his cheek.

Potter quickly wiped it away with his sleeve, careful not to touch the man, and let the Potion Master's head fall forward on his chest. "Let it out, Severus."

They stood there for a while, neither moving, while Severus shivered with unshed tears and lamented, "My hands, my hands."

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 **A/N: Sorry this chapter is a bit later than usual, for those of you who keep up with the time I usually post. I'd just like to thank you all again. This is quickly becoming the most popular fic that I've written and I'm simply overwhelmed!**

 **-faceless**


	15. Chapter 15

**15: (may)**

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That day had been a turning point for the pair, though they did not speak of it, and Potter still would not help him in his work.

Somehow, Severus mused, he had unwittingly formed an attachment to the boy, and he was now allowed back into Severus' workroom. Severus only priority was the Wolfsbane potion, and as complicated as it was, it took him most of the month to complete.

Potter never once asked him why he spent so much time on the one potion for one little boy – though he did ask once if Severus knew the boy was his godchild – at times Severus thought that it was because Potter understood that it wasn't the boy he was doing it for, but instead he was simply doing it to have a goal, but he didn't want to put too much stock into the boy's lack of curiosity.

Now that the big reveal of Potter's mysterious project was over, Minerva ceased stopping by, and Potter discontinued his absences. Severus didn't miss the Headmistress' time in the ward, but he felt relieved to have the company of the boy, even if it was so very unlike himself.

Once he'd finished the potion, he came to his biggest surprise yet: Harry asked him if he would want to deliver it to the boy's godchild in person. But another quickly surpassed that surprise, and he said yes.


	16. Chapter 16

**16: (may)**

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Potter attended his friends' graduation, but Severus did not. He was looking forward to the blissfully empty halls they would leave behind, and he didn't not want to go to a crowded room where he'd have to pretend to not see them all gawking at him.

He was not, however, left out of the celebration as he would have hoped, as Potter brought a few followers back with him to the hospital ward.

The Granger girl was the first to step up to shake his hand, "I owe you an apology, sir," she said. "The last day I was in here, I said things I shouldn't ha-"

He stopped her with a raised hand, unable to listen to her anymore. He shook her hand in what he hope was a firm grip but feared was not and told her, "It was nearly a year ago, Miss Granger. Surely you have better things to fuss over."

She was clearly confused if it was meant to be an insult or forgiveness and right as her face was aligning itself to take offense, Draco Malfoy stepped into the room.

"Godfather," he greeted, as if he had not been calling the man 'Professor' for the last eight years, "I had hoped you'd come today."

It was clear the boy had grown up in the past year - since his father had been imprisoned and his mother had left to live in France – for him to admit something like that in the present company. But then he stepped up to Granger's side, wrapping one arm around her waist and reaching the other for him to shake.

Severus simply didn't know what to do in the face of such a change from the boy he'd known since the child was born, and he must have waited a beat too long because Draco continued, looking a little forlorn but still joking, "Aren't you going to congratulate me?"

"On what?" Severus sneered, reaching to shake his hand, "An accomplishment nearly every wizarding child reaches?"

Granger opened her mouth to retaliate, while the Weasley boy still looked a little green and was staring at Draco's arm still wrapped about Granger' waist, but Draco and Potter both cracked a smile, "Oi, 'nearly every' isn't the same as 'every' and at least I'm not the one that makes it 'nearly'."

Severus nodded and said, "Congratulations," but his eyes flicking to the girl beside him belayed that it was not in regards to his graduation.


	17. Chapter 17

17: (june)

Severus sat on Andromeda Tonks' couch in her tea room. He'd gone with the Potter boy to deliver the potion. The woman must have been warned ahead of time that it was coming because she showed no untoward displays of thanks or affection.

Teddy did not transform, he was told, but the full moon made him nearly rabid in his actions. The Tonks could not afford to buy the potion for much longer, and after a short argument, Severus agreed to take a quarter of the market price as payment for every month.

Now he was simply watching the child play as Andromeda had figured out quickly that he was not one for conversation. Severus was not one for children either, and the boy quickly cottoned on that he was not about to be roped into playing with him and had toddled off shortly after their arrival.

The Potter boy was strange with the child. He sat on the floor with the one-year-old child, and he cooed with him as one does with a child, but he did not play with the boy's toys, and he did not hold him. Severus was distantly surprised when they'd come through the floo and Potter did not even return the hug the tot had forced about his legs.

When the stack began to wobble, he reached out for the first time trying to steady it with the back of his wrist. As Potter laughed at the child's hair changing colour in panic, he told the boy to pick the matching pink block for the next in their tower. When they all came crashing down, Potter did nothing to stop the blocks. The child burst into tears and his grandmother rose to hush him when Potter did not reach to do so himself. Over top the boy's head, he met Severus' eyes for a split second, and looked away quickly.


	18. Chapter 18

**18: (june)**

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Once a week Draco Malfoy would come to visit his godfather. It was hard, he explained during the first visit, to come after graduation because he didn't know exactly how poor Severus' condition was. When he found that his former professor could do almost every daily task with no help, it was a relief and made it much easier to come.

They had taken to working on potions while Draco was there as he could help with the finer techniques that Severus still could not manage and Potter was still refusing to help. In fact, every saturday when Draco would arrive, Potter would take it as a chance to disappear for a while. He never told Severus where he went, and Severus never asked.

He'd grown used to the Potter boy's presence over time, and though they rarely spoke, it felt odd to not have him around. Even now, it seemed as if he heard his name echoing through his head.

"-Potter's hands."

"What?" Severus snapped, coming back to himself and realising Draco was speaking to him.

"Oh, I'm sorry I forget you can't hear as well on this side. I said that of course you'd know all about Potter's hands."

Seeing Severus' blank look, Draco looked down sheepishly, "Guess not. Sorry, I'd tell you, but it's not really mine to tell. I don't know how he's kept it a secret for so long. Anyway, er-" Draco floundered for another topic for a moment before Severus asked him to find the salamander eyes from the cupboard, and he ducked into the storage as Severus' mind whirled with questions.


	19. Chapter 19

**19: (june)**

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Severus' confidence had grown and he'd decided to start practicing dueling again. Potter of course wouldn't help him, but he'd created a wheeling statue that would dodge Severus' spells. He watched as Severus dropped his wand and tripped over his feet more and more as the week wore on. His muscles were sore and his hands shook from exhaustion when he went to bed every night, but he thought of it as progress, and prided himself on it.

Only a few days after beginning, cramps started to seize his legs unexpectedly. He wouldn't even have to be standing, let alone practicing dueling for a severe spasm to knock the air from his lungs. Poppy said he was pushing himself too hard, that the muscles could only strengthen so much at once, and that he should take it easy, but she gave him pain potions and muscle relaxants without even a sigh, almost as if she expected him not to listen.

It was during one of these episodes that he collapsed in the middle of the hall returning from his potions workroom. It was only Potter with him so the boy balled his hands into fists and locked his arms under Severus' underarms to lift the older man back to his feet when he'd stopped his violent shaking.

As Severus tried to stand, his eyes fixed on Potter's fists in front of him. His mind wandered back to what Draco had said about the boy's hands and he wondered what was so special about them.

They were unusual hands, slender with long, graceful fingers, but rough with old calluses from Quidditch and the war. They were smaller than Severus' own, but then Potter was far shorter. His nails were clipped close, but didn't look to be overly manicured as Lucius Malfoy used to keep his.

His observations ended when his feet were placed back on the floor, but really, they had only just begun.


	20. Chapter 20

**20: (july)**

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Draco had a job interview this morning. One of the main reasons he'd returned to Hogwarts had been that no one would want an ex-Death Eater without a full education, even if The Harry Potter had testified at his trial. He'd sent a letter a few days earlier, stating that he would be unable to make their brewing time. Severus, though disappointed at his loss of time with the boy, was happy for him.

The time of Draco's arrival came and went, but Potter didn't rise from his chair. Once it was quite clear Draco was not coming, Potter began to look nervous. "Is - er - is Malfoy coming in today?"

"Hm? No, he has an interview today. Why?"

But before Potter could answer, the doors to the ward opened. The mind healer that Severus had been required to see since he'd woken came strolling in. She smiled warmly at him. "Hello Severus, I trust you're doing well today?"

He scowled at her, but she only laughed, seeming to take his foul mood as some sort of entertainment. Then she turned her attention to Potter. "Are you ready?"

Harry nodded sheepishly, glancing over to Severus as if to see his reaction before he rose and followed the Healer to a private room at the back of the ward. He motioned for her to precede him.

"Aren't you going to open the door for me, Harry?" She asked in the sickeningly sweet voice she always used with Severus.

The boy hesitated, but then reached to twist the handle as quickly as he could before letting go as if it had burned him.

Severus watched the entire odd exchange closely through narrowed black eyes.


	21. Chapter 21

**21: (july)**

* * *

Severus opted not to deliver this month's potion himself when he was finished with it. Children made him uncomfortable - though he would never admit aloud that anything did so - and he found it hard to interact with Andromeda, knowing that she was the sister of one of his dearest friends, and knowing that her sisters had ended up on the wrong side of the war and one of them had ended up dead.

When he told Potter, he seemed uncomfortable. He looked at Severus uncomprehendingly for a moment, then slowly nodded before excusing himself. He disappeared into Poppy's office, and a few moments later, Poppy emerged and left the ward. When she came back, she was carrying the potion from Severus' workroom, and she returned to her office without a glance in his direction.

"Now, let me just find a-" he heard her say before there was a solid thud. "That should do. Now just take a-" a crash sounded, but Madam Pomfrey's calming voice started before the tinkling of broken glass was even finished, "Now, now, dear, it's nothing to be upset over; we simply forgot. Harry, dear, you need to calm down, you know it only makes it worse, and floo powder is not all that expensive anyway. I'll just- Harry - Harry! Calm down." Her voice rose at the end, sounding stern, but obviously Potter didn't listen to her because he came bursting out of her office.

He slumped onto one of the cots, propping his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his elbows. Taking deep breaths, he slowly stopped shaking and returned to Poppy's office.

"Better?" Severus heard her ask, "Good. I've found you a nice thick pair. Right. Off you go!"


	22. Chapter 22

**22: (july)**

* * *

Severus was walking out of his weekly appointment with the mind healer. Though he'd spoken to Poppy numerous times about dropping the appointments, she still seemed to think they were necessary, regardless of if he actually spoke during them. This week the woman was even more of a nuisance, having to reschedule as if he didn't have anything else to do; however, he came out to a surprise.

Draco was there, sitting on his bed, speaking to Potter. "You should tell him. Potter - Harry, it'll be a year in a week. It's a miracle that he hasn't questioned why you hang around him all the time, but he'll be leaving soon, and he'll wonder why you don't."

It was obvious they were talking about him so Severus stood in the doorway for a moment, eavesdropping as Draco continued, "Look, you don't have to listen to me, and you can be a prat to the Healer all you want, but you're not getting better. Face it. And who knows? He's a smart man, maybe he'll be able to help you. But even if he can't, you're not going to be able to keep it from him forever. As soon as he gets out of here, he'll find out. It would be better coming from you. I don't even know why you don't want him to find out; you've seen him at his worst! Why him of all people?"

"I don't just hang around him because I'm stuck here." Harry mumbled.

Severus heard Draco sigh, but before the boy could respond, the Healer walked up behind him in the doorway, "Severus? Why are you still standing there? I was just packing up, you didn't have to wait on me. You should probably be getting back to bed. Tut-tut!"

He sighed and scowled at the woman. He hadn't needed to be bedridden in months, and she'd just ruined a perfect opportunity to listen in, just when the conversation was getting interesting! Both Draco and Harry looked up, looking caught. Severus walked as gracefully as he could over to them, trying to appear as if everything were normal.

"I'll - er - excuse me." Harry mumbled and ran off, while Draco stood, getting ready to go to the workroom.


	23. Chapter 23

**23: (july)**

* * *

After eavesdropping on Harry and Draco, Severus had started to watch Harry with more scrutiny. It was obvious that they were talking about whatever illness Draco had alluded to weeks earlier that had befallen Harry's hands. He had concluded that it must be something like his own ailment, nerve damage, and that Harry was just having difficulty adapting.

That decided, he was paying special attention to how Harry interacted with his surroundings, but then he found something odd: he didn't.

Harry did not interact with anything. It would have seemed perfectly natural to watch him close doors with the back of his wrists because of the ease with which he did it if only Severus wasn't used to seeing everyone do it with their hands. He avoided holding anything, and now the reason for his previous contentment to do nothing but watch Severus as he worked became clear as he avoided anything handheld: books, his wand, Teddy's toys. His lack of assistance in Severus' projects finally made sense because though Severus clearly wouldn't benefit from silly tasks like walking across the room to pick something up instead of Harry handing it to him, the younger man still wouldn't help him.

Severus decided to push how far Harry's aversion would go.

* * *

 **A/N: So I know it's been weeks since they reviewed, but KyuubiChild717 was right: this story was originally written and named for Severus' nerve damage to his hands, but there's another undertone that has been added while I've expanded it. Any ideas what's wrong with Harry? As always, thanks for your continued support, favourites, follows, and reviews. This fic is nearing its halfway point - there will either be 52 or 53 chapters - so let me know what you think and send me a PM if there's anything you want to see or any errors you've found!**

 **-faceless**


	24. Chapter 24

24: (july)

* * *

He and Harry were working in the potions room. He'd been pushing Harry for about a week now, asking him to grab things for him, open doors, and little things that he'd been able to do a few months after waking from his coma. Harry wouldn't do any of them, except open the occasional door, but then only quickly.

He could see the younger man's growing frustration today, but he remembered his temper from his schooling days and was hoping that if it would just make a reappearance, he'd find out something new. All day, Severus had been behaving like a child, petulantly asking for help on the simplest of tasks, then complaining when Harry wouldn't help him. He'd even stooped so low as to needle the other man about it - "I don't see why you won't as it's obviously just hindering my process," "You know I'm capable, you don't have to test me on everything," and "Please, Potter, even I can do simple things like this, don't tell me you've forgotten everything I've taught you."

Severus was growing desperately obvious, but Harry was too busy hiding his growing impatience to notice Severus' goal, and his repeated replies of "I can't" were growing tenser and tenser. There was a reason they were placed in their respective Houses.

Finally, however, Severus got a reaction. He tossed Harry a jar of newt livers, saying "Here, just chop these," and followed it through the air with a sharp knife. Harry would have no choice but to dodge or catch them. It wasn't an ingredient Severus needed in the potion so it was fine if Harry dropped them or managed to mangle the simple task somehow, but he was surprised completely when the two items vanished mid-air and Harry simply stormed from the room.

* * *

 **A/N: I know, I know. Severus is a total jerk in this chapter, but you have to admit that Harry would never have answered any questions anyway so being the Slytherin he is, he tried to take to subterfuge. Also, just a warning: the next chapter is painfully long - about a thousand words including my note at the bottom!**

 **-faceless**

 **PS Also I was told that this chapter had a virus error sometimes when trying to view it; I reuploaded it, and I hope that fixes it, but I'm not sure what else I can do! Sorry for the error, and thanks for your patience!**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I absolute love all of your guesses! But so far none of you have gotten it just right! Thank you so much for all the support!**

 **25: (same day)**

* * *

Severus stood shocked where he stood for a few moments before following Harry out of the room. He'd be hoping to illicit a reaction, not to make the other man furious. By the time he exited his workroom, Harry had already disappeared, and the corridor was deserted. Knowing that Harry had hardly anywhere to go besides the Infirmary, Severus headed there first, but when he got there, it too was empty.

Hesitantly, he knocked on Poppy's office door, which was uncharacteristically shut. She opened it with a sad smile. "Ah, yes I was expecting you when Harry stormed through muttering about 'that bastard'." She chuckled.

"Yes, well," Severus replied, peering over her shoulder and seeing no one there and feeling a sinking feeling in his gut, "where's he gotten off to?"

"He's gone to the Tonks' to play with Teddy, I suspect. He doesn't like to go through the gloves, but I think it calms him to be around the boy. He certainly seems more centred when he comes back from it when he goes during your therapy."

Severus winced at the word 'therapy' but consoled himself by thinking of it as a scowl. He hated it when she called his appointments that. He hadn't known, though, that Harry visited Teddy while he met with the mind healer. Vaguely he wondered what she'd meant about gloves, but at the moment he had more pressing matters.

He grasped a bit of floo powder and whirled away to find Harry. When he arrived in the Tonks' tea room, the first thing he noticed was that Harry was actually playing with Teddy. It was nothing like that last time he'd been here when Harry had simply sat next to the boy. Instead Harry was lying flat on his back, balancing the boy up in the air on his feet while the child shouted "Aeroplane! Aeroplane!" Neither of them seemed to notice his entrance, but Andromeda looked up from where she was knitting on the couch.

The second thing he noticed were the thick dragonhide gloves that Harry was wearing. The tot could only get his chubby hands around one of Harry's fingers to steady himself in midair, but he didn't seem to find the gloves unusual as he was laughing hysterically.

The third thing had to be pointed out to him. As he watched, Teddy let go of one of Harry's fingers and pointed down at his face. "Pa-Ha, why're you crying?"

"Hm?" Harry used the hand Teddy had let go of to wipe his face, "I'm not, Teddy Bear."

"It's not right to lie to children," Severus mused, drawing their attention to him.

Harry made a face, lowering Teddy to the floor. "It's not right to be a-" he hesitated, looking at the child. "Oh, if he weren't here, I'd rip you a new one."

"A new one what?" Teddy asked innocently.

"Oh all right," Andromeda interrupted, standing and offering her hand to the little one. "I think it's about snack time, don't you?"

Teddy followed her out the door as Harry stood to face Severus, "If you knew, why didn't you just say so? Why do that to me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshite!" Harry tried to keep his voice low, but he was getting angry. "Throwing stuff at me, asking me to help with stuff; I've told you for months: I _can't_."

"No, I don't know what you're talking about. What are these even for?" He asked, gesturing to the gloves, "I-"

"You overheard Draco and I weeks ago. Don't tell me he didn't tell you."

"He didn't. I-"

"I turn everything to rot." Harry blurted. "That's what these are for. I burn through these so I don't touch anything else. Everything I touch just disintegrates. I ruin everything. Everything! Look!"

Harry's hands had curled into fists as he'd talked, but now he uncurled them and shoved them out to Severus. The palms and fingertips looked worn on the gloves, but they simply looked like an unremarkable pair of gloves to him.

"These are brand new. I just got them out of the package before I came here. I'm no good for anything but destroying things!"

Harry was getting hysterical, and Poppy's comment from the day when Harry had brought the Wolfsbane over here by himself came back to Severus: 'Harry, dear, you need to calm down, you know it only makes it worse.' It was true, too, Severus saw. Even as he watched, the gloves became more threadbare on the palms of Harry's hands. Hands, Severus noted, that were shaking almost as badly as his always did now.

Severus was still in shock from the outburst, and Harry pushed past him to the fireplace. He fumbled with the wooden box containing the floo powder, and it started to rot. Suddenly Harry's shaking hands knocked it to the floor and the powder exploded everywhere. Harry snapped an apology to Ted Tonks who was sitting in a rocker in the corner, watching the whole exchange over the top of his newspaper - Severus hadn't even noticed he was there before - and suddenly Harry was gone with a pop.

Severus was wide-eyed and bewildered. He had no idea where he'd gone or how he was going to fix what he'd done. All he knew was that this time, he'd really messed up.

"He'll be back," Ted told him so quietly that Severus' damaged hearing almost couldn't pick it up. "It's hard for him, but he'll be back."

* * *

 **A/N: I love Ted Tonks. I don't remember if it's canon or fanon that he dies or if most people just forget to write him when they write about Andromeda and Teddy, but he lives here because I think he's just so calm and collected for a muggle thrown into a world like this. Anyway, I know that the conflict isn't resolved yet, but hey! Now we know what's wrong with Harry! In case ir wasnt clear: Harry does turn everything to rot by touching it; more detail to follow in chapter 28! 10 points to whoever guessed it, and don't worry, Ted's right: he'll be back, and they'll come out stronger for it. Last but not least, thank you again to everyone who is leaving feedback and to all of you continuing to read. It means a lot!**

 **-faceless**


	26. Chapter 26

**26: (same day)**

* * *

Severus went back through the floo to the Infirmary. Poppy looked up at him with hopeful eyes, but he sighed shakily and shook his head. Poppy's lips twisted in confusion as he left her office. He went and sat on his cot at first, but it didn't feel right to just take up another puzzle and wait for Harry to come back, but he knew he was too absentminded to go to his workroom to brew.

He got up and went to sit in the chair that Harry always sat in. He didn't know why this was so hard for him, to watch Harry get angry with him. He knew he'd become attached to him simply because they'd spent so much time around each other, but this felt like more.

He knew part of it was the deep pity and sorrow he felt - Harry didn't deserve something like this - and part of it was grief that he felt when he lost his finesse in his hands and that Harry himself must have felt when he'd first found out. The knot in his stomach was regret pulling at him; he should have never pushed Harry, but let the younger man tell him on his own time. But what was the tightness in his chest?

He looked up from where he'd been watching his hands shake and twitch where they rested in his lap to see Madam Pomfrey standing in her doorway and watching him with sad eyes, "Have you figured it out yet, love?"

* * *

 **A/N: I know it's short in comparison to last week, but I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think, and as always, thank you do those of you who favourite, follow, and review!**

 **-faceless**


	27. Chapter 27

27: (same day)

Harry appeared in Hermione's living room, already feeling as if he would cry. He heard a newspaper fold and turned, expecting to see Hermione in her rocker by the window, where she usually read the afternoon _Quibbler_ after work at the Ministry. Instead, he saw Malfoy sitting in her favourite spot, and it broke some sort of dam inside him.

"Oh, no," Draco said, "What happened?"

"He found out," Harry told him, the occasional stray tear escaping. He wanted to wipe them from his cheeks, cover his face, but he didn't dare.

"Draco?" Hermione called, seemingly from the kitchen, "I heard a crack?"

"Hey, 'Mione." Harry answered, and she came bustling in through the door, already peeling off her apron and reaching to give him a hug, looking reminiscent of Mrs. Weasley.

"Oh, dear. Stay for dinner; I'll find you new gloves." She hugged Harry, and Draco stood behind her, rapidly shaking his head back and forth, telling him not to stay. He shot the other man a dirty look and followed Hermione into the kitchen.

"So how long has Draco been living here?"

"Oh don't try to change the subject," She swatted him on the head with a pair of gloves before handing them to him. "What's wrong?"

"Severus found out about my hands."

"I don't see why you didn't expect him to find out. You know he would eventually, right?"

Harry didn't answer, just put on the new gloves.

"Harry? Why does it bother you? Why him?"

He would have answered her, but the smoke alarm started going off, and she was distracted. Draco walked in and nudged him on the shoulder. "I told you that you should leave. Just wait for it."

The atrocity that Hermione pulled out of the oven made his eyes widen. It was some sort of casserole that was burnt on one side and raw-looking on the other. It had risen out of the pan and collapsed over the edges. "Well." Hermione said, "It's a bit too brown, but I think it turned out well!"

"Uhm-" Harry said, standing.

"Looks great, 'Mione." Draco told her, and she looked up, eyes sparkling.

"Really?" The she noticed Harry standing, "Oh, you don't have to help, Harry. I've got it." Then she looked at him closer. "Or…are you leaving? Harry, sit down, just for a second." When he did she continued. "Harry. I've known you for a long time. I didn't need to ask why it was him. I knew. I asked so you'd figure it out. If he's important enough to freak out like this over, isn't he important enough to try to make it work anyway? Don't go to Ron's, Harry. I know that's where you were going to go. Go back to Severus."

* * *

 **A/N: We're so close! I promise all of the 'why's will be answered next week! A huge thanks to all of you who have followed this fic so long - it's by far the best response I've received, and updating is the highlight of my week!**

 **-faceless**


	28. Chapter 28

28: (same day)

The floo flared to life in Madam Pomfrey's office. Her hopeful eyes turned up to Harry as he came in, taking off the gloves Hermione had given him and setting them on her desk. As her mouth opened, no doubt to start interrogating him, he stopped her with a raised hand, "I'm fine, promise."

She got up and opened the door for him, "If you're sure, dear."

He went through and found Severus reading in his chair, pages quivering. Feeling silly and a little lame, he stopped, wanting to fidget with something, but knowing he shouldn't, "Hey."

Severus looked up, looking as if he was about to smile, but then thinking better of it and starting to rise, "I'm sorry this is your-"

"It's fine," Harry said, sitting on the edge of Severus' cot. "So. You know now."

"Yes, I suppose I do."

"Well, I'm sure you have questions."

"No."

"No?"

"You're obviously not comfortable talking about it. I don't want to pressure you."

"Whatever," Harry rolled his eyes, reminded Severus that no matter how much he'd matured, he was still young, "Then I'll just tell you. When I touch things, they disintegrate, rot, what have you. It's not a curse. I can't make it stop. No one knows how to make it stop. They think that it's in part because Voldemort was taking up too big of a spot in my brain, and I couldn't access it. Now that I can, it all came out at once; I didn't grow into it like I should have."

Severus nodded to show he understood, but when Harry didn't seem to be going on, "What's the other part?"

Harry looked up, almost in surprise as if he'd forgotten that Severus was there. "You learn to harness your magic, right? You get a grip on it, and it does what you tell it to and what you think you can do. You know why Madam Pomfrey is so good at what she does - other than that she knows all the facts and spells?"

"Her aura and mindset are one of healing."

Harry held up his hands, "So what does that make mine?"

"Harry, why did you come back?"

"Why did you start calling me Harry?" He replied, and Severus understood.

* * *

 **A/N: So there it is! The root of the problem! "No one knows how to make it stop" - psh! We'll just see about that, Harry!**


	29. Chapter 29

29: (july)

To the casual onlooker, nothing changed much, but Poppy and Draco noticed the shy smiles. Severus was released from the ward. Poppy hadn't been able to help him with anything much in several weeks. Though he continued with his visits to the mind healer, now it was up to him to build his strength.

But he didn't leave. No one talked about his continued presence, but conversation did become a little more common.

"So what's Pa-Ha?"

"What?" Harry asked, bewildered.

"Teddy called you that," Severus clarified.

"Papa Harry." Harry said sheepishly, "I tell him as many stories about his parents as I can, and one day he latched on to the idea of not having parents anymore. He wanted to know if I was his new Papa. Since he was real upset when I said 'no', I tried to explain that I was his godfather. All he seemed to pick up though was the 'father' bit so we finally settled on 'Papa Harry'. I didn't want to talk Remus' place but-" Harry trailed off with a shrug, "if it makes him feel better."

"I think that was noble of you, Harry, to take on a family role so young."

"What about you? Ever want a family?"

Severus thought back to his own family. He didn't hold many bright memories from his childhood, and the one he did have were not of his family. "I don't know, maybe someday."

Severus had a faraway look in his eyes. Harry nudged him, "What?"

"I never really had the option before."


	30. Chapter 30

30: (july)

"It's eye-opening – the way he speaks. He gives you hope, makes you feel as if have potential, even as he's self-destructing. He makes you want to help him. He makes you want to fix it for him, even as he's trying to help you." He leaned back in his chair as the mind healer leaned forward, eyes sparkling.

"You know, Severus," She said, "I think this is the most talkative you've been since you woke up."

He glared at her, "I'm not even talking about myself. I have something new in my life, and it's better than sitting in silence or listening to you talk."

"See, Severus, you've never thought that about anything else that's been going on in your life before. I think you've reached a turning point. I think Harry's good for you."

* * *

 **A/N: Super short chapter this week! I'd say I'm sorry but... ;)**


	31. Chapter 31

31: (july)

"Happy Birthday, Harry!"

"What?" Harry sat up quickly, his reflexes from the war still intact. He must have fallen asleep the night before in his chair. Over the last weeks, he'd stopped eating and sleeping in Madam Pomfrey's office. Usually he slept on a cot in the infirmary as Severus had moved to quarters near his cupboard-turned-workroom that McGonagall set up for him. However, it seemed last night, they'd both fallen asleep as they sat and talked.

Now Severus was standing over him, an uncharacteristic and slightly forced smile on his face.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked

"What? Nothing. I said 'happy birthday'?" Severus looked confused.

"But you don't seem like you mean it. You seem nervous."

"Oh, no – er – I just – here." Harry blinked as a small package, wrapped in gold and red paper was shoved toward him.

"What's this?"

"Well, traditionally people give their friends a gift on their birthday."

"You'd consider me a friend?"

"It's either that or a pet that follows me about all of my daily activities,"

"Oh," Harry said, not knowing why that hurt.

"Yes, Harry, I consider you a friend."

Harry smiled, "So what is it?"

"Usually you have to open it to find out, otherwise it ruins the surprise," Severus told him, a hint of his old scorn showing through and again pushing the present towards Harry.

He shied away from it, "Er- I don't want to-"

For a moment, Severus was almost offended before he realised Harry couldn't touch it without his gloves. He pulled a pair from his old bedside table and handed them to the younger man. "Here."

Harry took the gloves, then the package and with only a quick glance to see Severus' face, he started ripping the paper off.

Inside was an ornate silver picture frame, a photo of his mother when she was about fifteen encased inside. The light shone behind her and lit up her hair as it danced over her shoulders, her head thrown back in laughter.

"I went through my old things, and found that. I took it in fifth year, but waited too long to put it in the potion so the result isn't the best but-"

"You really were in love with her, weren't you?" Harry interrupted.

"Er- pardon? Is that what you thought?"

"You kind of showed me that." They'd talked about the memories Severus had shared with him before, but they hadn't talked about his mother.

"I loved her, yes, but I was never _in love_ with her." Severus wasn't sure what the difference was, but it felt like something he needed to say.

Harry rose quickly and wrapped Severus in a hug. "Thank you," he whispered.


	32. Chapter 32

32: (august)

Harry stepped through the floo first, and when Severus came through, he already had the little boy scooped up in his arms. Severus handed the little copper box with the potion inside it to Andromeda, and she gave him a wide smile.

Severus seated himself on the sofa, watching as Teddy took Harry to the aeroplane toys lying in the floor insisting he play with him. Harry had convinced Severus that Andromeda wanted him to come back, saying the woman felt so indebted to him, and he couldn't help but feel glad as he made small talk with her.

It was a while later when Teddy started crying. Andromeda and Severus had gotten caught up in talking about the ministry, but their attention was pulled back to see Harry staring at his hands in horror, his gloves eaten through, and Teddy cradling his injured arm to his chest. Even as they watched, Harry worked himself up until one glove was falling off two fingers, too rotten to stay on.

Swiftly, Severus rose from where he was seated and scooped Teddy up from the floor, knowing it was no use trying to calm Harry until the boy was fine. He coaxed the boy into showing him his arm as Andromeda went to find new gloves for Harry and a pain potion for Teddy. Severus sat the boy on his lap and waved his wand over the raw skin on his arm, healing it. The child watched in awe as the top few layers of skin grew back, ceasing his crying, and Severus turned to Harry, "It's not your fault."

"I touched him and his skin burned off. How is that not my fault?" He shot back as Andromeda came in, handing him the gloves and setting the now-unnecessary pain potion on the side table.

"Harry-"

"Issokay, Pa-Ha." Teddy gave him a watery smile. "Sesserus pay?"

Severus looked down at the child in horror, but Harry beat him to an answer, "Yeah, Severus will play too." So Severus sat on the floor with the child in his lap, helping him to throw the toy aeroplane to Harry.


	33. Chapter 33

33: (august)

Hermione came running into the Infirmary, and flung herself at Harry, wrapping her arms around him.

"'Mione? What's wrong?" He asked, panicked, and trying not to touch her.

"He proposed!" She shouted, just as Draco walked in the door. "Oh Harry, I'm so happy!"

Severus stood, from where he'd been reading, and Draco went to shake his hand, an embarrassed smile on his face. Surprisingly, then he and Hermione switched, Hermione pulling Severus into a hug, and Draco stating softly, "I know you can't shake my hand, but-"

"Congratulations." Harry interrupted. "When's the wedding?"

"We're not sure quite yet." Draco said, just as Hermione said, "Soon."

Severus lifted an eyebrow as Harry laughed, "Why soon, 'Mione?"

"Well," she bit her lip, blushing a bit, "I'd rather like to fit in my dress."

"I don't under- oh! Oh! 'Mione, that's wonderful! When are you due?" He picked her up, gripping his own hands together so he wouldn't touch her accidentally, and spun her around.

"Oh my, please don't." She giggled, looking slightly green. "I've only just found out. Actually I just told Draco too. I'll admit I wasn't expecting him to simply pull a ring out of his pocket and say he was waiting for the right time, but…" She shrugged, "I have to say it makes it romantic. Anyway, what did you ask? When am I due? The Healer thinks some time in March or early April. Now, I've floo called Ginny, but I haven't talked to the rest of the Weasleys yet so I've got to go. I'll see you later, Harry! Goodbye, Severus! I'll see you both at the wedding!"

Draco trailed out after her, a grin on his face at her rushed explanation and excitement.

Severus looked at Harry. A few months ago, he wouldn't have seen the amusement in his eyes as he sat down and picked back up his book, but now it was apparent. Harry sat down too, but just as Severus began to read aloud again – something he'd taken to doing as Harry couldn't hold his own book to read – Ginny came into the room.

"Hello," she mumbled hesitantly. She glanced at Severus, but returned her focus to Harry.

He smiled at Ginny, "Did you see Hermione and Draco here?"

"Yeah, I just passed them in the hall. It's great don't you think?" Her words were hopeful, but not quite convinced.

"I do. She's happy, and I think he's changed."

Ginny nodded, "Do you think we could talk?" She glanced at Severus again, making it obvious that she meant without him around.

From where he'd been silently watching, he rose as swiftly as he could and snapped his book shut, trying to seem unaffected as he left. Maybe it worked for Ginny because she gave him a small smile, but Harry saw through it.

"So about this wedding," she hesitated. "Look Harry, I know things between us fell apart, but can't we try to fix it?"

"Ginny," he sighed, "it's been a year now."

"I know, and who's fault is that?"

"You think it's mine? You think it's my fault that I can't control this?" He shouted, shoving his ungloved hands out for her to see.

"You haven't even tried! Look, Harry, I didn't come here to fight with you. I came to ask if you'd go to the wedding with me. Maybe we can just put this behind us," She gestured to his outstretched palms in dismissal.

"How can I put it behind me when I still can't touch anything, Ginny?" He sighed, the anger draining out of him.

"Look, I-"

"No. Stop telling me to look. You look, if I had wanted you to stay, I wouldn't have let you leave."


	34. Chapter 34

34: (same day)

"So," Severus said, walking out of Madam Pomfrey's office as soon as Ginny had slammed the door behind her, making it obvious he'd been eavesdropping.

"So." Harry said back, somehow not minding that he'd listened in. "Who are you going to go with?"

Severus raised an eyebrow in surprise. "I won't be in attendance."

"You're kidding. You're the closest thing Draco has to a father with Lucius in jail, maybe even if he weren't in jail. He cares about you."

"Yes, well, it's not exactly something I feel prepared for."

"Because you limp?" Harry asked bluntly, "Or because your hands shake? Because honestly, no one cares, Sev. You're a hero. Being injured doesn't change that."

"But I'm not injured. You can heal from injuries. I'm broken."

"Then what am I?"

* * *

 **A/N: Kind of filler, kind of not, kind of short, kind of sad- anyway! Here it is, and there you go!**


	35. Chapter 35

35: (august)

"Severus," Minerva walked in, stopping and planting her foot on the floor, "It's time."

"Time?" he sighed, setting down the stirring rod he was using.

"Severus, there is nothing more Poppy can do for you, and you know it. You need to stop being afraid and move on with your life."

"Are you kicking me out?" He asked calmly, his heart racing, and the tremor in his hands picking up pace.

She sighed, sounding sad, "You don't want to stay here."

"I'm not afraid."

"Harry and I got together for a little gift for you." Severus looked up, surprised at this, "I think you'll like being out of this little room," She looked around, as if seeing it for the first time.

He knew she was stalling to make him ask, but he did anyway, "What do you mean, Minerva? Where will I go?"

"Diagon Alley. It's on the cheaper end, not very busy, but it's quite a large space, an apartment upstairs, storeroom out front, and of course, your workroom is in the back with a full storage room for you."

"What's in the storeroom, and who lives there?"

"An apothecary is in front, although you'll have to name it, and you live there now, Severus." When he simply stared at her for a moment, she went on, "We bought the whole building for you."

A wide grin broke out on his face, and he swooped her up in a hug in an uncharacteristic display of affection, though a small part of him sank at the thought of not being around Hogwarts everyday. Minerva blushed and cast a stationary charm on his abandoned potion as he whisked out of the door.


	36. Chapter 36

36: (September)

"Harry, you've gotta help me," Hermione threw open the door, casting a quick spell to mark the page in his floating book, leaving his sticking charm on the pages he'd already read to keep them together. She hopped up on Severus' old bed, spreading out scrap books and magazines around her. "Draco is being no help. Well, except setting the date. Oh! We set a date! The 15th of October. How does that sound?"

Harry chucked as she babbled off again, not even leaving him time to answer. She spent the day shoving pictures under his nose, levitating colour swatches that he frankly couldn't tell the difference between, and cooing over flowers, asking his opinion on each. Finally they'd made maybe four solid decisions and moved on to wedding dresses.

""Mione, you can't pick a dress by looking at pictures. That's all fine and well, but why don't you take Ginny out and actually go shopping?"

"Why don't we?"

Harry sighed, "Did you and Ginny fight?"

"No," Hermione didn't meet his eyes, "Did you two?" Harry waited, knowing she'd be uncomfortable keeping something from him. "You're just all alone here, you are coming to the wedding, right? Even if you won't go with her?"

"Of course I'll be there, 'Mione. Our breakup has nothing to do with you, and it won't affect you." He felt a bit like a parent reassuring his kid after a divorce, but he understood it'd be hard for his friends. "Is that why Ron hasn't been around?"

"He just feels like he's picking a side. I don't want you unhappy, Harry. I don't want you alone."

"I'm fine alone here. Poppy's around when she's not busy, and Minerva stops by."

"What about Severus?"

"He's just busy with his shoppe." Hermione looked at him with her big doe eyes, and he felt the need to add, "We're going to the wedding together though, promise."

He couldn't explain why that reassured her so much that her eyes alit as she jumped up and kissed his cheek, murmuring that she'd go see if Ginny had some time then. It was only after she'd left that he realised what it'd sounded like. It made him feel funny to think of it like that, and he wondered if he should floo Hermione to specify what he'd meant.

* * *

 **A/N: Oh, Harry. In some ways their relationship is so evolved because they know each other so well, and in other ways, they really just seem like kids trying to figure this whole thing out. Sorry it's late! Let me know what you think!**


	37. Chapter 37

37: (august)

The doors flung open, and Harry jumped to his feet, already turning to get Poppy for whatever emergency the students had had this time before he realised it wasn't a student standing in the doorway.

Harry couldn't stop matching Severus' grin when he saw him. "Harry," he announced, "we're going on a field trip today."

"We are?"

"We are. We're going to Diagon Alley, and you going to love it."

This kind of attitude was new from Severus so Harry couldn't help but feel excited too, "My hands-"

"Will just have to behave themselves for today. Come along." Severus strode through the infirmary into Poppy's office. Once Harry got over his shock and followed behind, Severus already had the box of dragonhide gloves down and was pulling a pair out.

Poppy nodded encouragingly at him, he put them on, and they were off. He tripped as usual coming out of the floo but righted himself quickly to turn and look at everything Severus had set up for himself.

"I didn't have much savings, of course," Severus was saying, "but I had enough to get started on some ingredients. From my time at Hogwarts, I had connections so I went for the rarer materials first, to give me a name, you know?"

"That's great, Sev!"

But Severus wasn't listening, "Now, I don't have a large stock, but I've also brewed a few quick, cheap potions with small adjustments to the recipe to make them more potent. Because every potioneer has to have their own seal on the top, it's its own kind of advertising. Back here we have-" Severus lead into his workroom. It was much bigger than the one he'd had at Hogwarts, even bigger than the one he'd had as a teacher, which of course Harry knew, but it was great to see the space put to such good use. Even as Severus was giving Harry the tour, the bell had rung twice, and Severus had served another two customers. When it was getting late, Severus closed up shop and took Harry upstairs to show him what he'd done with the apartments and to have tea.

"It's good to see you so excited, Sev. I'm glad you're happy."

Severus pinned him with a look, "I'm sorry I haven't been by lately-"

"It's fine. Really. You have a lot of work to do, and I'm glad."

Severus smiled, even if it was a tad more subdued than it had been all day, and Harry had left feeling happy for his friend, but a little neglected as well.


	38. Chapter 38

38: (same day)

Hermione and Ron were waiting for him when he got back to the Infirmary. Ron smiled sheepishly at him while Hermione asked, "Where have you been, Harry?"

She said it kindly, but Harry couldn't help but feel as if he were sneaking in after curfew. "Severus opened his apothecary. I went to see it."

Ron grimaced, but Hermione's eyes sparkled, making Harry feel uncomfortable. "Listen, Hermione, I think I might have misled you when I said Severus and I were going to the wedding together. We're not-"

"Harry you don't have to say anything. I think Ron and I know you well enough by now." She elbowed Ron in the side. "Now, I need to speak to Madam Pomfrey; I'll be right back."

Ron ducked his head from her pointed stare as she left, and Harry raised a brow at him. "I know I haven't been around, mate; I just-"

"Ron, stop. I get it's been rough with Ginny and I – we just weren't meant to be I guess, yeah?" Knowing he had his gloves, he reached out to shake Ron's hand, and Ron's face flooded with relief.

"Yeah, and know we know why, eh?" Ron laughed, but Harry was just confused.

"Wait, why-"

"Harry!" Hermione shouted, coming back from Madam Pomfrey's office, "Your gloves have worn through! How long have you worn them?"

Harry looked first to Ron's hand, making sure he was okay before looking at his own. Even as he watched the edges of the holes grew. "I – I don't – all day, I think. Ron, I-"

"I'm fine, mate. They must've just worn out. I'll get you-"

"You should go." Harry cut him off, and Ron stopped walking towards the office Hermione had just left. He looked hurt – as did Hermione – but Harry could feel the fraying speed up as he panicked and the tears prickle behind his eyes. He waited for the door to close after them, took a cursory glance to make sure no students were in the room, and warded the room shut. As soon as it was secure, he threw off his gloves, screaming in rage. He could feel the room fly apart around him, cots being pushed away by the force of his magic, lights flickering, the chair he usually sat in flying and shattering against a wall.

When the initial outburst was over, he sank down to sit on the floor and became aware of Madam Pomfrey sitting down next to him, hushing him and rubbing his back. When his sobs had tapered off she murmured, "Happened again, hm? Seems to me it's worse since Severus left. I think we've fixed your chair too many times now. Maybe it's time to retire it and get another."

* * *

 **A/N: I know it's early, but I'll forget later so enjoy!**


	39. Chapter 39

39: (august)

"I just lost it. I couldn't control any of it, and I don't know how to fix it. I feel so helpless. If I have all this power, why can't I do anything?"

The mind healer leaned forward, "How long did you wear those gloves?"

"All day, but then I-"

"Harry," she'd never cut him off before, and he looked up in surprise, "You've never kept a pair of gloves that long before. You're making progress, even if it doesn't feel like it."

"I just keep thinking-"

"You've thrown off the Imperious, correct?"

"Yes, but-"

"You have control of yourself, Harry, you just don't see it yet. You need to stop saying 'I just keep thinking' and start saying 'I will think', and you need to finish that with something positive. It might not fix you, but I promise it will make this whole process easier." She smiled at him, patting his arm, "Our time is up, dear."

* * *

 **A/N: I know this chapter is shorter, but just wait until next week! I'd also like to point out for those of you sending me complaints about the short chapters, you can tell by how many chapters and words are in the fic that they're going to be short, and I believe I said something about it in the beginning. I know it's not everyone's cuppa, but you don't have to read it if it's not yours. As always, I hope you enjoy reading, and let me know what you think!**

 **~faceless**


	40. Chapter 40

40: (September)

"Go wedding dress shopping with me."

"What? No," Harry looked up from where he was playing wizard's chess with Ron as Hermione walked in the room from Poppy's office, "take Gin."

"I've taken Gin; I've taken Mrs. Weasley; hell, I've even taken Ronald."

Ron grimaced, "It's true, mate. It's your turn."

His grimace worsened to a wince when she hit him over the head with her handbag and moved one of Harry's last remaining pieces on the board, "Checkmate, you twat. Harry, I haven't been able to find anything! Help me, please."

He sighed and she handed him a new pair of gloves, grabbing his hand as soon as he'd put them on and ushering him out the door and towards Poppy's floo. "It won't take long, Harry. I promise."

As soon as she'd said this, Harry knew she was lying, but it was only five hours, one lunch break, and two pairs of gloves later that he'd realised just how big of a liar she was.

"Hermione, this isn't working."

Before the words were even out of his mouth, Hermione had sat down in the millionth lace dress she'd tried on, put her face in her hands, and started crying. "I know. I know," she moaned. "Let's just leave."

"No, come on. Listen, you've tried the same kind of dress in every store we've been to, and you haven't liked any of them. Try something different."

"Like what?"

"What did you picture being on your wedding day when you were little? Someone in low-cut, tight lace? It's not you. What did you want to look like?"

Hermione smiled, looking up at him, "A princess," she mumbled.

"All right. Let's find something that says 'princess'." He pulled her up and went wandering off into the section of the store with the large skirt dresses.

"A ball gown, Harry?" He shrugged, riffling through the racks of expensive material, careful to keep checking if his gloves were close to wearing through.

As Hermione was doubtfully wandering about the section, Harry pulled out a white dress with gold beading on the bottom of the bodice. He turned around with it, "A ball gown, Cinderella."

She turned, smiling at the muggle reference, but raised a brow, "Chiffon? With my hair?"

"I don't know what that means," Harry told her honestly.

She shot him a glare, "The white, fluffy part of the skirt. I never thought about a corset top, and I do like the draping about the waist," she murmured, running her fingers over the gold fabric cinched at the waist.

"I don't know what that means either,"

"Oh, please, Harry, I thought you were supposed to be gay." He opened his mouth to correct her, but she cut him off by pulling the dress from his hands, "I'll try it."

When she came out of the dressing room, she looked like a glittering fresh snowfall. "I don't care what you say," he told her, "that's the one."

She laughed, "That's what I was going to tell you. Help me find shoes,"

"'Mione, about what you said, I'm not-"

"Harry," she cut him off, "how do you picture your wedding?"

"Not in a dress if that's what you're getting at!"

She gave him a disapproving look, "It's not, and you know it."

He thought for a second about Fleur and Bill's wedding, about how he didn't necessarily want to be Fleur, but how he'd rather be gripping strong, calloused hands at the altar, rather than dainty ones, how he'd be pulled around the dance floor instead of being the one doing the pulling, how he'd like to be looking up into deep, dark eyes.

"Oh."

"How did you never know?"

"I-I-" He floundered for a moment, "I guess I just never really had the time to think of it. You know, with the war and all."

Hermione looked at him with sad eyes for a moment before she giggled and broke the tension, "How do you picture your wedding night?"

"Hermione!" He admonished, his cheeks staining red.

She laughed, "All right, all right, I'm sorry."

"And not with Severus!"

"What?" Hermione blinked, her eyes dancing, "Harry, no one said anything about Severus."

That night, as Harry lay awake in his cot, he thought about that conversation a lot.


	41. Chapter 41

41: (September)

"Harry?" Ron pointedly didn't look up from where he was concentrating on their chessboard. "I know I'm not always around, and I'm not the best with it, but you know you can talk to me, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean about you and Snape."

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked again, starting to get frustrated.

"No one cares. Like maybe that's a thing in the muggle world, but no one here cares. Honestly, after Cho, we all thought you were like Charlie, you know? Asexual or whatever – where you don't like anybody. But it's really none of our business, we're just happy that if you like blokes, you found a bloke." Ron looked up at him after sliding his rook to a new place, "I know it's kind of uncomfortable to talk about, but I'm here if you want to talk about it. Hermione says that – er – she called it homosexuality? Well she said that it's not really accepted in the muggle world, but here we don't even have names for it so I'm new learning all this, but I am here for you. She said it might be kind of hard. She called it 'coming out', said it was hard for some people."

"I- I don't think I _am_ gay, though Ron." Ron just looked at him blankly so he specified, "That's just another name for homosexual people."

"What do you mean you're not? What about you and Snape?"

Harry blushed, "That's kind of a new thing for me."

"You mean you just started liking him?"

"No, I mean – I don't know. Maybe, like, before Severus I was like Charlie?"

"Oh, wait! I think Hermione told me about that. She called it something special too. Let me think." The look of severe concentration of Ron's face made Harry's spirits lift. Maybe Severus would never feel this way about him, but it was an accepted way to feel, and Ron didn't seem to think any differently of him because of it.

"It's fine, Ron. I don't need a name for what I am. I'm just-" Harry fiddled with a broken chess piece, struggling to find a way to describe how he felt.

"You're my best mate, Harry. I'm always going to accept you." Ron whispered, resting his hand on top of Harry's gloved ones.


	42. Chapter 42

42: (September)

"I have something for you."

It was Monday, the only day Severus took off from his shoppe, and while he usually spent most of the day brewing, he tried to take time to come and see Harry in the infirmary when he could. He'd been reading for about an hour – even though Harry could levitate books and use sticking charms for the pages, he much preferred Severus to simply read to him.

It took Harry a moment to realise Severus was speaking to him, rather than reading from the book. Then he twisted around in his new, slightly less damaged chair. "You do?"

Severus nodded, "Here," and held out a pair of gloves.

Harry raised an eyebrow in question, but accepted them, asking, "What are these?" as they looked no different from the ones he usually wore.

"I believe I've perfected a potion to keep them from disintegrating for longer periods of time. I'm still working on it of course, but I think it should work at least for a few more hours than before."

Harry grinned, "Thank you! Should I try them or should I wait until a time that I need th-"

"Go ahead and try them."

Harry shoved the gloves onto his hands, his grin not faltering as Severus passed him the book, and for the first time, they switched who was reading.


	43. Chapter 43

43: (the 15th of October)

Severus stood uncomfortably as Harry surveyed him with a grin. "You look great."

"You as well."

"Er- should we-"

"Yes, let's." Severus replied, offering a promised, new pair of gloves that he'd been working on to Harry. They were thinner, made of a paper-like material, but soaked in a stronger potion. Then he took a pinch of floo powder from above Madam Pomfrey's fireplace, throwing it down and whirling away to the Burrow.

The Burrow was bustling with activity for the wedding and was covered in sparkling gold and silver decorations. Harry came through the floo shortly after Severus and they made their way out to the tent. Outside, there were even more decorations: glittering streamers, glowing lanterns, and flickering farie lights. They quickly took their seats with Mrs Weasley on one side, and the Tonks on the other side. Moments after they arrived, and Teddy had settled himself onto Harry's lap, soft music began to swell from around them, and the ceremony began.

Theodore Nott walked down the aisle first, arm in arm with Ginny Weasley. Draco smiled at them as they joined him on the altar, waiting for Hermione to join them and Kingsley, who was performing the ceremony. The music had changed to the traditional muggle march that Hermione had insisted on, and she pushed through the back of the tent on the arm of Mr Weasley.

Draco's face lit in adoration the moment he laid eyes on her. It was obvious the changes he'd gone through since the war, and Harry was happy for the both of them. He glanced up at Severus, sitting next to him, to find the man's eyes were not on the bride as everyone else's were, nor on the groom as Harry's had been, but on Harry.


	44. Chapter 44

44: (same day)

"It was a beautiful ceremony," Harry murmured, floundering for a topic as he sat next to Severus by the side of the dance floor.

"Yes," Severus smiled faintly where once he would have ridiculed him for pointless commentary, "I don't think there was a single woman here with a dry eye by the end of it." He glanced slyly out of the corner of his eye towards Harry, well aware that the younger man had had trouble concealing his own tears.

"Oh, stop," Harry knocked his shoulder into Severus', "You're just as upset that your little snake is being handed off to a Gryffindor."

"Gryffindors may not all be as dreadful as I'd once thought," Severus allowed. It was a small statement, but it changed the mood of the conversation. After a moment of awkward silence, Severus cleared his throat, "Would you-" he motioned vaguely in front of them.

"What?" Harry asked, surprised. When Severus simply looked uncomfortable, Harry continued, "I'd love to dance if that's what you're asking."

The night was no longer young, but the pair still spun for songs on end before Harry's jaw cracked in a wide yawn, making Severus chuckle, "We should get you home."

"Not yet."

"Why? You're doing nothing but spinning in circles with me. Even the couple of honor has already departed."

"Maybe I like spinning in circles with you." Harry murmured; he knew he sounded ridiculous, and he looked up to see Severus' reaction.

As soon as their eyes met, the uncomfortable, stomach-twisting feeling was back from before, but Harry welcomed it. Severus eyes softened as he looked into Harry's. "I-" Harry began before deciding that they were past awkward conversation and pushing himself up on his toes, stopping their revolutions across the dance floor, but allowing their lips to meet.


	45. Chapter 45

45: (next day)

Harry opened his eyes in the infirmary, pressed his paper glove covered hands against them, rolled over, and pretended to still be asleep.

"Oh Harry, dear," Madam Pomfrey called from where she was changing the sheets on a cot, "Are you awake? How was the wedding?"

"Beautiful and I'm an idiot."

He heard Poppy sigh and the rustle of sheets then her footsteps across the room before she sat on the edge of his bed. "What happened, love?"

"I kissed him."

"Draco?" She shouted, "On his wedding day?"

Harry sat up quickly, spinning to face her and protesting, "No! Of course not! I'm not-" before he saw the mirth in her eyes.

"So what did Severus do, dear?"

"Nothing," Harry shrugged.

"I can hardly believe that you kissed him and he simply stood there for the rest of the night."

"Well he stood there until I was gone at least, though that didn't take me long," He laughed.

"You kissed him and ran?" When Harry didn't answer, she continued, "Should you go talk to him?" He still didn't answer, and she sighed. "Harry, he cannot be more embarrassed than you are now. He had someone kiss him and run away. You need to explain yourself to him."

"What if I can't explain it to myself?"

"How do you feel for him?"

"Being gay here isn't a big deal," He started slowly, and waited until she nodded before continuing, "but it is to me. I didn't know until recently that it was okay so I never…"

"Embraced that part of yourself?" Poppy supplied.

"Noticed it, really. Until Severus, I just wasn't attracted to anyone."

"That's fine too, Harry. Sexuality is a very fluid thing. _Are_ you attracted to Severus?"

"I like being around him – even when he's sarcastic. I like our conversations. He can be funny, and I know he cares. I think it's hard for him to show it, but I know he does," He looked down at his hands, still in the gloves – still intact – that Severus gave him yesterday. "I kissed him so I think that answers the physical part." He laughed.

"You know you don't need a physical relationship to have a romantic one?" Harry nodded, and she went on, "Did you like kissing him?"

"Can we not talk about this?" Harry asked, bright red.

"I'm assuming that means yes. Do you think he feels the same?"

When Harry only shrugged, she asked, "Then do you think you should talk to him?"

"I think we just went in a circle."

"We did, but you changed your mind, and that's why you don't look like a kicked puppy anymore."

"No, now I just look like a man marching off to face his death – believe me, I know what it looks like."

She laughed as she stood. "Oh, hush. Get dressed, He'll be opening his shoppe soon, and you can corner him. He won't want to talk about it either."


	46. Chapter 46

46: (same day)

The bell tinkled above the door, and Severus stifled a groan. He was supremely hungover, and already in a foul temper.

After Harry had left him standing there, shocked, he had proceeded to drink, hoping to cure himself of the memory of the other man's face when he'd pulled away. When everyone else had cleared out of the reception and he'd taken the hint from the staff, he'd come home to continue his plight. Everything here reminded him of Harry, right down to the carpeting, which Harry had picked out. He hadn't slept at all.

Now he had to be up, bright and early, to open his shoppe, and all of the customers he'd had were rude and impatient and early. Now another one was coming in, and he could just tell it would be another pompous businessman who thought his prices were too high and his quality too low.

For once, he was wrong, and he regret it.

"I simply don't have the time right now, Harry."

"You're not doing anything, Severus!"

"I have six potions to make, orders to fill, orders to make, Herbologists to contact. I have too much to do."

"I didn't say you didn't have a lot to do. I said you aren't doing any of it." He did feel bad. The checkout counter was filled with sheets of paper in the 'In' tray while the 'Out' tray was nearly empty, but Madam Pomfrey was right, they needed to have this conversation.

Severus sighed, putting his head back in his hands. "Speak."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did last night. I would never have done it normally, but I guess I just got carried away."

"Yes, I understand; I was a mistake. See that it does not happen again," Severus winced as he turned away, he'd meant to say _it_ was a mistake, but it was too late now and the words were already out of his mouth.

"That's not what I meant," Harry sounded desperate, reaching out to grab Severus' sleeve with his paper-clad hands.

"Pray tell then Potter. What _did_ you mean?" Severus didn't sound like he really wanted to know, but Harry could see the question in his eyes. He knew Severus' words aimed to hurt because he was hurt too. Suddenly, Harry was extremely glad he'd talked to Madam Pomfrey.

"I meant I wished I hadn't been drunk. Or ran. Or that'd I'd talked to you first to know it wasn't what you wanted. I get that now. I get why you don't too, but I wanted to apologise – and I am sorry, Severus."

Before he knew what had happened, Harry was gone.


	47. Chapter 47

47: (same day)

Poppy's eyes were bright when Harry returned, but the hopeful look quickly vanished.

"Don't," Harry told her. "Don't ask."

She, naturally, didn't listen, "Oh what happened dear?"

"I apologised. I think he accepted. Honestly, I couldn't stick around for him to reject me again. I know I shouldn't have done it, and I told him that."

"Now Harry, that sounds as if-"

"I told him I wished I hadn't run and been drunk and that it hadn't happened like that. He knows what I mean."

"What'd he say?"

"'See that it does not happen again'. Poppy," Harry looked up at her from where the paper gloves were disintegrating off his hands, "he called me Potter again. Why do I ruin everything I touch?"

"You know," Poppy's tone changed to her usual analytics, "Whatever he soaked those gloves in must have been pretty powerful to last so long on such a feeble material. Did he tell you about it?"

"No, he knows I don't care for potions."

"Well it must have taken a lot of time for him," Harry nodded. "He must have had a lot of faith in you."

By the time he looked up, Madam Pomfrey had already left.

* * *

 **A/N: Filler, I know! But I wanted to remind you of the gloves - they're important!**


	48. Chapter 48

48: (november)

Harry spent a lot of time with Teddy these days. Severus had been sending him paper gloves through Poppy, but because he couldn't go anywhere without them and didn't want his condition becoming any more known than a vague rumour, he never left the Tonks' and the Infirmary.

He was coming back through the floo from spending the day with Teddy – again – when he saw Severus sitting in his chair. Harry could immediately feel his face flush, but he tried his best to act normally. It had only been a week and a half since he'd seen Severus, but it felt like so many things had changed.

"Wotcher Harry," the casualness felt forced, and the words fell limply.

"Hi," Harry answered, but it felt like the word stayed stuck in the back of his throat and he couldn't hear anything over the pounding in his ears.

"Have you ever heard of the-" but Severus was cut off as a student was rushed in, teachers and students flapping about alike.

"Quiditch," Harry explained, and he followed meekly as Severus led him back into Poppy's office, feeling like a chastised child again, and he was shocked when Severus threw a handful of floor powder in, calling for his apothecary.

The whole room was in a state of disarray, and it stopped Harry short when he came through, making Severus knock into him from behind when he followed. "Sorry, sorry! I-"

"Harry," Severus place his hands on Harry's shoulders, steadying the younger man, but also pushing them apart. "It's fine. I see you're still wearing the gloves?"

The non-sequitur kept Harry from dwelling on his hurt feelings, and he stuttered his answer, "Er- yeah, thanks. I know it must be a pain to make them all the time, but I really-"

"Are you doing anything?" Severus seemed to have a set agenda for their conversation and didn't seem keen on letting Harry disrupt it, "New, I mean. Have you started work?"

"No, it'd be too hard to explain the gloves. I know everyone probably knows by now, but I don't really want it out in the open so I-"

"Have you ever heard of the placebo effect?"

"Look, I know I'm rambling, but can you stop that?"

Snape looked affronted, "Stop what?"

"Stop interrupting me. I know you're uncomfortable because I obviously like you, and you don't feel the same because why would you when I'm like this, but you can't just talk over me because I'm nervous."

"Have you ever head of the placebo effect, Harry?"

Harry sighed, waving his arms dramatically as if to say 'Do you see this?' to the empty storefront. "No. No, I have not."

"Do you want to go upstairs and sit?"

"Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"Do you want to go upstairs and sit?"

Harry sighed again for what felt like the millionth time and followed Severus up the stairs to the living quarters where Severus awkwardly made tea in silence. Sev sat down facing him on the other sofa and looked at his feet as if waiting for something.

"So this placebo effect?" Harry offered quietly, and Severus looked up in surprise as if he'd forgotten Harry was there. Or maybe he just didn't realise how much time had passed in silence.

"It's a muggle medical term-"

"You think I have a muggle condition? That's why Poppy couldn't find it, but how-"

At the hand Severus held up, Harry stopped and let Severus continue, "No, it's not a condition. It's rather a cure. It is commonly thought of as a ruse, but it works – at least for you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it is kind of like a trick to the brain, the patient thinks they're receiving treatment, but they aren't. That way any psychological condition is absolved by the brain convincing itself it's been given a treatment that should cure it."

"So…" Harry looked down at the feeble paper gloves on his hands.

"Once the treatment is revealed to be false, however, it usually gives the confidence to the patient to confront their illness because – as I have been told you said in your third year – they knew they could do it because they already had."

"No," Harry denied, "that's not what the gloves are. That wouldn't work."

"Harry take off the gloves."

"No."

"Harry-"

"No, I don't believe you!"

Severus sat back down as the pop of Apparition faded. Once again, Harry had fled.

* * *

 **A/N: Yeah, Harry's running away a lot, but he's not very mature. He's a young kid with horrible injuries from a war he shouldn't have had to fight in, he's coming to terms with the fact that he's got abysmal mental health, and he's realising he's got MAJOR feelings for his professor...you know.. the one twice his age who was friends with his mum? Yeah. He keeps running, but wouldn't you?**

 **PLUS! Now we know about the gloves! For those of you who don't understand: the gloves didn't actually do anything! Harry was convincing himself that he was okay, which made him able to focus on things other than destruction, which made the effect go away. In short, Severus literally changed Harry's entire aura by giving him a little confidence! Yay!**

 **Let me know what you guys think!**

 **~faceless**

 **Also! Sorry for the long chapter and note!**


	49. Chapter 49

49: (november)

The gloves weren't working anymore. Nothing he did helped. He tried the breathing techniques Poppy gave him to calm down, he tried the thick dragonhide gloves, and he even tried calling the therapist to come talk to him. Nothing worked.

He was falling to pieces – as was everything around him. He was relying on cleaning charms that he could perform himself. After a few days, they simply weren't cutting it, and he had to resort to asking Poppy to perform a more thorough full-body cleansing charm that Healers used.

Even changing his clothes was horrible. He'd put on the dragonhide gloves to give him a few moments to undress then use levitating, summoning, and sticking charms to redress. It was a tremendous affair, and it was awful.

He wished he'd never gone with Severus. He cared for the man. They'd been stuck in close quarters for too long to not care. They'd learned too much about each other, and become too close, but that wasn't all there was between them. Or at least that wasn't all there was for Harry.

But he never should have gone. He'd let his high hopes distract him, and he stupidly never expected them to come crashing back down like this.

He couldn't even see Teddy anymore.

He'd spent the last few days since he saw Severus lying on his bed with his hands hanging off the edges. He had a charm that played music, but there was only so long you could do nothing.

In his boredom, he'd started to reimagine how the conversation could have gone, which is why he was a little surprised when he opened his eyes to find Severus standing by the end of his bed.

"Are you ready to listen to me?"

Harry knew he was being petulant, but he couldn't help it when he closed his eyes and said, "No."

"You do not really have a choice unless you want to disintegrate everything for the rest of your life." Severus was back in his old black robes, looking forbidding and angry as he spoke.

"Why am I so messed up?"

"Honest answer or easy answer?" When Harry didn't answer him, Severus just went on, "Because you refuse to confront it. Harry," he sighed and sat on the side of the bed, "I figured out what's wrong. You have done this in the past - blamed yourself – but you did not have this much magic before. You always thought you messed up everything; you told me that yourself, and I am regretful that I contributed to it in your youth. You say you ruin everything, but you do not confront your choices, which is making your magic react to your thoughts. Only before you did not have this extent of magic. When you killed Tom, it opened a part of you you could not access before, which is why the reaction is so strong."

"I sure as hell hope that's the honest answer because it doesn't sound easy at all." Harry thought it was funny, but when Severus didn't laugh, he opened his eyes to look at Severus, "So I always did this to myself?"

"Yes. But with your stronger magic it manifested immediately in a negative physical way. Once that symptom was there, you could not stop thinking about what you had done, making it worse. Your symptoms were feeding on your own negative energy. When you put my gloves on, you were able to focus on other things, were you not?"

"Yes, but what do I focus on now when I know that I can still hurt people. I-"

Severus cut him off, leaning over him until their breath was mingling, "Focus on how you keep saying that you know how I feel but running away before I can say anything."

Before Harry could form a response, their lips were pressed together. Harry reached up and tangled his hands in Severus' hair, pulling him closer, while Severus braced his arms on either side of Harry's head. It was an awkward position with Severus still sitting on the edge of the bed, but neither took notice as Severus' tongue begged entrance and Harry's lips parted to grant it.

Severus broke the kiss first. Harry laughed, "I can touch you."

"You'd think you would have gotten more common sense since you'd graduated, but I guess not," Severus said with a rare wry grin.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." Feeling greedy and not caring, Harry pulled Severus back down for another short kiss.

"We should go back to my place," Severus suggested, "You know, students, Madam Pomfrey."

They both shuddered at the thought of Poppy finding them like this, and Harry agreed. They used the floo and were kissing once more – mindless of the faint taste of soot – as soon as they'd landed in the apothecary.

"I love you," Harry breathed as the crossed the threshold to Severus' living quarters. The words were out before he could stop them, and he pulled back, panicked.

Severus just laughed down at him, "Like I said, I thought you'd get more common sense as you go older. Don't you get it?" He leaned close, breathing the words across Harry's lips, his eyes half-lidded, "I've loved you for months."

Harry gave small groan, hiding his face in the crook of Severus' shoulder in the pretense of biting his neck. "I was going to offer you a drink," Severus said, slamming the door and pressing Harry against it to balance himself as he lifted the younger man, "but now I'm just taking you to bed - er, I mean, if that's okay?"

"More than okay." Harry wrapped his legs around Sev's hips, a little nervous that he would be dropped as Severus carried him into his bedroom. He moaned, "You've gotten strong."

Severus stumbled on their way to the bedroom, but each time he caught himself with hands that shook nearly entirely from anticipation.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry it started so sad! And yes, I realise they're moving forward pretty quickly, but they've been close and wanting this for ages - let them have some fun! And they will have fun, just so you know, because the entire next chapter will be enormous and it's going to be nothing but sex! It's confined to the one chapter though so I'm not changing the warning on the whole thing. If you don't want to read it, just skip next week's chapter, you won't miss anything major in the plot.**

 **Let me know what you think!**

 **~faceless**


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N: Explicit. If you'd like to skip this chapter, a base summary will be provided at the top of the next chapter!**

* * *

50: (same day)

It was fast, Harry knew, to be going from kissing to sleeping together so soon, but honestly he'd been waiting so long, he didn't give a damn. Severus, grinning, was trying to tease him, slipping Harry's jeans from his body slowly, kissing every inch as it was revealed, but Harry could see he was just as excited.

"Come here," he murmured, and Severus crawled up his body, their faces inches apart. "Well?"

"Well what, Mr Potter?"

"Aren't you going to kiss me?"

Sev smiled, showing his crooked teeth and nipped Harry's lower lip instead, and Harry groaned, his back arching from the bed. He moved his hands between them, trying to undo Sev's shirt buttons, while Severus was slowly pushing his t-shirt up his waist, running calloused thumbs over Harry's hip bones as he did.

"Please, please," Harry whimpered, moving his arms so Severus could take off his shirt. As he did, he moved up, pushing his leg up tight between Harry's own.

"Oh so someone did manage to teach you manners, I see," Severus chuckled, landing a kiss on each of Harry's nipples. Harry bucked and rubbed himself against Severus' leg as he bit down on the second nipple.

Realising his arms were still uselessly above his head, Harry put them to work. He had Severus' belt off in what had to be record time, moving quickly on to the buttons of his trousers. Unable to get them off, Harry settled for snaking his hand inside them and Severus' pants, grasping his cock and pumping his hand firmly. He shook as the back of his knuckles brushed his own cock.

"Wait." Harry stopped immediately at the sound of Severus' voice, terrified his momentary lapse in his curse was over, but Severus pressed a hard kiss to his lips before moving back to shuck off his trousers and pants. It wasn't graceful, but seeing his urgency made it all the better for Harry.

Harry whined, squirming on the bed as Severus then pulled his pants off as well, leaving them both naked. Severus reached for Harry's glasses, "Just feel."

But Harry stopped him, "No, I want to watch this." He sucked two of Severus' fingers into his mouth from where they'd been near the side of his face, and Severus gasped.

"Get 'em nice and wet for me," Severus breathed, seeming to automatically know what Harry was wanting from him. The younger man moaned in negation as the digits were taken from him, but they were quickly replaced by Severus' tongue, and then they were pressing against his opening, rubbing the wetness they had gathered there. He rocked back when the first finger finally breached him. He groaned into Severus' mouth before it was gone and trailing open-mouthed kisses down his neck.

Severus added a second finger, and Harry was distracted by the first sting of pain. Almost immediately, he was distracted by Severus' lips closing around the head of his cock. Severus hummed and Harry groaned, one of his hands flying to curl his fingers through Severus' long hair, the other reaching up to the side of his own face and knocking his glasses askew. Severus bobbed his head, inching further every time, and when he reached the base, Harry sighed.

"Oh Merlin."

Suddenly, Severus was pulling back and audibly popped off, "No, just me."

"Are you-" Harry swallowed, feeling Severus' two fingers still scissoring inside him even more acutely not that the distraction was gone. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to simply pull Severus' face back towards him as he grinned up. He gave a hoarse, shattered laugh. His arm was shaking. "Are you actually _joking_? You never joke. I love you. I love your sense of humor. This is not. The. Time."

Harry's voice broke on the last word as Severus added a third finger, never breaking eye contact. It was that moment that the enormity of what they were doing dawned on Harry and his chest constricted.

This was their first time.

It was such a small simple thought, but it carried the weight of the last year and three months with it. It was an end. An end to all the wondering, the second-guessing, the hiding. It was an end to running away. It was an end to feeling overexposed.

But as much as it was an ending, it was also a beginning. Their whole relationships - their whole _lives_ \- were stretching out before them, and now Harry could see the rest of his life clearly for the first time since he'd walked into the Forbidden Forest. He wanted that future so bad his chest ached.

When he'd finished his revelation and come back to his body, Severus was holding his face, mid-sentence. His brows were pinched together in worry. It was such an open expression that Harry wondered when he'd stopped being surprised by Severus being emotional.

"Oh my God, did I hurt you?" Harry shouted, half sitting himself up and clenching his hands into fists.

Severus took Harry's hands in his. "No. No, absolutely not. Did I hurt you?"

"I - I realized something."

"What could you _possibly_ realize at a time like thi-" Severus threw his hands in the air and sat back on his heels. His tone was affectionate, but two years ago, Harry would have mistaken it for disdain.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Severus laughed, but when Harry didn't join him, he sobered up. Softly and shyly - more so than Harry would have ever guessed Severus could be - he asked, "Really?"

It was the voice of someone who had never in his life gotten what he'd asked for. The voice of someone who'd stopped asking. Stopped hoping - until now.

"Really."

Severus kissed him then, and they quickly picked up where they'd left off. Harry hiked his legs up over Severus' shoulders, and Severus smoothly but gently guided himself into Harry. They started slowly, almost tentatively, but quickly gained speed. Soon they were both moaning, kissing sloppily, while Harry's hands tangled in Severus' hair, and Severus' explored Harry's torso.

Harry shuddered as he came, sighing out a declaration of love even as Severus kept moving above him, chasing his own ending.

But really, they were chasing their beginning.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey so, uh, long time no see? I wrote half this then obviously took a long break (5 House Points to you if you can guess which line I picked back up with). It turned out to be a much harder chapter to write and it turned out way more emotional than I intended, like, three (?) years ago when I started this, but I think that's also kind of how these characters are. Anyway, I'll try not to leave you hanging for another year and a half while I finish the last three chapters! R &R!**

 **~faceless**


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